


Denial | Darksparks

by lilypuffin



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Closure, Dark Sparks, DarkSparks, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Violence, Multi, Pain, Reconciliation, Wattson x Wraith, Wraith x Wattson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25689169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilypuffin/pseuds/lilypuffin
Summary: When our dimension's Wraith passes on, Voidwalker Wraith comes to pay a visit to Wattson over a year later. Inspired by @/crabonara 's artwork on Twitter (see in notes).----“It’s been so long.”It was barely a whisper, but I knew she heard me. I initially thought her expression would stay the same. She looked distant and sympathetic, but she didn’t have that look of love and empathy that Renee had adopted for me over time. It took Renee a while to come around to me and wear that expression whenever she saw me, so when this Wraith’s expression transformed into exactly that as I placed my hand upon her cheek, my emotions attempted to go haywire.I couldn’t let them though. Not now. I could still barely believe she was real and tangible. I had been disappointed too many times in the past year since Renee left me to let my emotions roam freely for someone - something - that could just be another apparition.
Relationships: Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	Denial | Darksparks

**Author's Note:**

> Totally inspired by @/crabornara on Twitter and their prompt art that you can find here ---> https://twitter.com/crabornara/status/1289556953421639681
> 
> "When our Wraith died." An encounter between Wattson and Voidwalker Wraith happens after quite some time once our dimension's Wraith dies.
> 
> This wound up being MUCH longer than expected but feast my children. Also, I wrote this not knowing that our dimension's Wraith prefers to be called Wraith and not Renee so let's just pretend that little piece of information doesn't exist for the sake of this story that was finished by the time I found it out.
> 
> Anyway, ENJOY!!!

Wattson's POV | First Person

  
  
  


It's been one year and thirteen days. You don't realize that 379 days isn't a long time in comparison to the rest of your lifespan - not until you know grief. 

Renee left me that many days ago. She still hasn't come back. 

I haven't been back to the Arena for 324 days. I haven't seen any of the Legends in about a month. I was doing just fine. I had been eating on a normal schedule again. I was showering regularly. I had been occupying myself with work. The basics. 

So when Ajay called me to tell me she was coming over, I was not only confused, but also annoyed. She sounded worried, but she normally did these days. Ever since Renee left me, the other Legends treated me like I was made of glass, too fragile to be spoken to normally. They were all wrong, though.

I wasn't a child. I wasn't frail. Just because I left the Apex Games didn't mean I wasn't capable of living a simple, plain life. 

I didn't want to talk to her. I knew what she would say - it's what they  _ all  _ said. 

_ "How you holding up, Nat?" _

_ "Do you want to hang out to take your mind off of things?" _

_ "Have you been taking your medication regularly?" _

I didn't want to hear it. I was getting along just fine without the others and their noise. I was taking my medication; wasn't that enough for them? 

No matter how much I didn't want Ajay to come over, I wouldn't say no to her. I wasn't sure if it was because she wouldn't take no for an answer or if it was because I was too exhausted to argue. It was likely a combination of the two. She would be here at any moment, and all I could do was sit at my work table, staring at the loose circuits sprawled out with no particular order. 

I had been sitting here in my workshop chair for several hours doing nothing but breathing and staring blankly. I had known Ajay was coming over since last night, but my anxiety refused to quell itself. I already knew why she was coming. I knew exactly what time she was coming. I had no reason to be sitting here in a state of paralysis for so long, but I just couldn't shake the feeling. I guess that's what I got for not taking my meds regularly up until last week. 

I sighed and got up to go to the kitchen. I realized that attempting to work simply wasn't going to lead me anywhere productive. My mind was too clogged with overwhelming levels of anxiety. I started into the half empty fridge for several moments, just letting the cold air lightly brush against my face. I was vacantly staring, not really sure what I was looking for nor was I even taking into account what was in there to begin with. 

I closed the refrigerator to open the freezer that I knew for a fact had nothing but cherry popsicles and chicken in it. I wasn't really looking for anything at this point. The cold air just felt nice. It wasn't even summer, either. I had developed a habit of doing this; just standing in front of the freezer and letting the cold air run on me. Something about the coolness was comforting and familiar. It was-

Three knocks. 

"Open up!" Ajay's voice rang through loud and clear, "Yuh favorite is here!"

I slammed the freezer shut, scared out of my mind. I felt like a child that had been caught doing something naughty, but I couldn't understand why. Maybe it was a bad habit that wasted electricity, but nothing more. 

I quickly dismissed the thoughts and rushed over to the door that Ajay continued to bang on. Too noisy,  _ way  _ too noisy. 

I opened the door, painted a smile on my face, and added some sweetness to my tone, "Come in,  _ mon amie _ ."

I watch her carefully, making sure she doesn't notice. Her deep brown eyes give me a once-over, the same way they do every time she comes to visit. It's been awhile, though. She's probably even more worried about me than usual and paying closer attention to my actions. 

I fought the urge to crack under her gaze. She was good at seeing through me, but I had been planning for this since last night and could handle it. After all, I was fine. I had nothing to hide. She was just coming to check up on me, hang out for a bit and then go meet up with Octavio. 

Thankfully, she stopped giving me that knowing look and came inside after a brief moment of hesitation. There was something about her energy today that seemed different, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I’d become accustomed to observing her twice as closely as she did to me. She could pick up on the smallest things I did, especially after Renee and I parted ways. This skill had saved me from so many situations that could’ve ended in Ajay probing a little too deep into my thoughts. My head was empty - I wanted to keep it that way.

Watching her now, I realized that the difference in her usual persona was that she appeared timid, nervous and a bit fidgety. I couldn’t bring myself to ask what was wrong. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that it had something to do with me and I wanted to ignore it if I could. I was suddenly dreading this visit more than I had initially planned to. 

Ajay placed the sweets on the dining room table and sat down, looking at me expectantly. I sat across from her as she started taking out the cookies and cakes from their containers and laying them out neatly on the table.

It was at this point I knew something was definitely wrong.

Ajay liked to talk. She may not have been the most vocal in the Games in order to focus, but when she was outside and in a casual setting she was one of the most talkative people I had come to know. Usually, the two of us would have exchanged several sentences by now, but Ajay had said nothing since she walked in the door. Not a single word. And I knew what that meant.

But I still couldn’t bring myself to ask. It was because I  _ knew  _ what her silence meant that I couldn’t ask her specifically what was going on. If I asked her, she wouldn’t hesitate to tell me, and I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want her to spill something on the table that I wasn’t ready for. I wanted this to be as normal of a visit as possible. I wanted the routine to be maintained. No surprises.

I watched her in dreadful silence for a few more moments. The tension was suffocating, and both of us knew it. I watched her pull out the plates, then the silverware and then take her own seat. She and I both realized at the same time that there was nothing left to be done and the silence would inevitably have to be broken. If she didn’t say anything after stalling for so long, she would only further reinforce that something was not okay.

An idea popped into my head. Tea. If I go make some tea I can stall for another ten minutes, at the very least. I was no longer fond of hot drinks, but anything to get me out of this conversation would be ideal.

“I’ll go make some-” I started to get up, avoiding meeting her eyes.

“Nat.” Ajay’s voice was quiet, but there was power to it. I paused, a chill running down my spine. I knew what that tone meant. I still couldn’t look at her, but she pressed on, “I have someone who wants to meet ya.”

Oh.  _ Oh… _

I felt the tension leave my body. It was just this again? A couple of months after Renee left, the other Legends had tried to set me up on dates with other people to help take my mind off of things. It was needless to say they were all failed attempts. I chuckled. I guess Ajay assumed because it’s been over a year that she could try again.

Unfortunately for her, my response would be the same. I just wasn’t interested.

I turned around to face her, a light smile on my face, “Ajay, I appreciate the offer but I’m still not ready to see anyone. I would rather not have to decline anoth-”

“No.” she stopped me sternly, her gaze burning into mine. I tensed up again. She continued, her voice stern but laced with the slightest bit of worry, “It’s nothin’ like that. This one travelled pretty far to meet yah. She says...Wraith requested it.”

Wraith...did what?

I hadn’t heard that name in so long. After Renee left the rest of the Legends and my other companions made a silent note to not use her real name around me, and instead used Wraith. At some point, they just stopped talking about her altogether. It was for the better, really.

Considering the way my heart beat sped up and I instinctively clutched at my chest at the mention of even her alias, I knew they had made a good choice by not bringing her up. But why would she bring her up now? It had been over a year. What request could Renee have made over a year ago that made someone show up now of all times?

And who on Earth could she have requested to come see me?

When I simply stared at Ajay with a look I wasn’t even sure of, she stood up and walked over to me, taking both of my hands in hers before she spoke. She squeezed them to comfort me, a look of sympathy washing over her features.

“I know you’re not ready, Nat, I do,” Ajay soothed, her eyes searching mine for any hint of emotion, “but you gotta meet her. It’ll do you some good, I swear.”

I was confused. Who the hell was she talking about? Why was she acting this way? When was I supposed to be meeting them? Why am I just hearing about this request?

Questions flooded my mind, leaving me unable to verbalize how I was actually feeling. When I just continued to look at her, completely lost, she squeezed my hand one more time for reassurance and walked over to my front door. She opened it and gave me one small glance of concern over her shoulder before stepping aside and revealing the figure in the doorway.

For a moment, I had to admit I was perplexed. I had tried so desperately to remove all traces of Renee from my mind that my ‘ghost’ had even become a distant memory. I never thought there would come a day where I wouldn’t be able to recognize her on sight.

It didn’t take long for me to realize who she was, though. She didn’t even have to lift her helmet for me to know. I knew that posture. I knew that aura. I knew that figure, too; over a year ago I’d traced it well behind closed doors. This wasn’t my Renee, no. She may not have been my Renee, but she still was  _ her _ .

I slowly began to step forward, fearful that if I moved too loudly she would disappear right in front of me again. I made a note to myself to take in the feeling of the ground beneath each of my bare feet and the ringing in my ears. This was real. I was real...but was she?

I had this nightmare many times before. I’d turn around from doing literally anything normal and she would be standing there behind me, just staring at me and  _ waiting _ . Her expectant expression would slowly transform into a radiant smile as I got closer and closer. Sometimes she would even open her arms to welcome me into an embrace. Other times I would get close enough to touch her, even though it was always empty.

But it would always end the same. The closer I got, the more transparent she became. She would always disappear in the end, one way or another, and I would wake up in a cold sweat and have to take a burning hot shower to erase the pain it left me with.

No one else knew about this nightmare but me. They didn’t know I had it at least once a week to this day - and they never would. They couldn’t know how many nights of sleep I lost afraid that I would have to face her again. To lose her again, and again, and again…

Renee stood perfectly still as I approached her while Ajay looked between the two of us. I heard a gentle hum come from behind the mask Renee wore as she regarded me. I was still tiptoeing closer to her when she turned to Ajay and put her hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

“I’ve got this. You can head out now,” she patted her back and I could hear the smile in her voice. My body wasn’t ready to hear her voice. I stopped moving as she spoke, fear sinking its teeth into my fragile heart. Renee gave Ajay her final words before moving towards me, “And thanks again.”

Ajay wasted no time leaving. Her figure leaving was merely a blur. All I could focus on was the fact that Wraith was here and for once,  _ she  _ was coming to  _ me _ . The door clicked softly to indicate that we were alone together, and it took everything in me not to crumble to pieces on the floor before her.

She lifted the visor to expose her face to me. I couldn’t help but crack a broken smile. She was definitely not my Renee. Her expression was as vacant as it was back when we first met each other. My heart throbbed, but it wasn’t just because I knew the woman standing before me wasn’t the same one I lost a year ago. No, it wasn’t that. Instead, it was the fact that she even existed at all, in this dimension, right in front of me, that made my entire body feel like it was being crushed by the overwhelming feeling over grief that I had stomached up until this point.

I knew which dimension this Wraith came from. Renee had told me about her in detail, from her personality right down to the outfit she was wearing right now. This was the Wraith both of us had met at different points in time, but still had a common knowledge of. This Wraith was my Renee’s hero, the person she looked up to and the one that made her who she had become. To be able to meet her under different circumstances would have been ideal.

But here we were.

I knew this Wraith was more aggressive, more bloodthirsty and more confident. She was everything that Renee’s exterior persona was. We had both only had one encounter with her, but I knew that Wraith and Renee weren’t entirely different people. Regardless of the dimension and the circumstances presented before both of them, I was well aware that deep down, both of them were merciful and reasonable. They did what they did because they  _ had  _ to, not because they wanted to.

So when I stood directly before her and reached out my hand to caress her cheek, I knew she wouldn’t stop me. Her face was cold to the touch, just as it usually was. The Void was freezing and had a permanent effect on those who traversed it often. Wraith was more skilled with the interdimensional phase technology than Renee was. I’m sure she travelled through it even more frequently than Renee ever did.

I took comfort in the coolness of her skin. It was a calming and refreshing sensation that brought me to my senses. Being able to feel the smoothness of her cheek brought back a wave of emotions I was too terrified to think about for the past year.

“It’s been so long.”

It was barely a whisper, but I knew she heard me. I initially thought her expression would stay the same. She looked distant and sympathetic, but she didn’t have that look of love and empathy that Renee had adopted for me over time. It took Renee a while to come around to me and wear that expression whenever she saw me, so when this Wraith’s expression transformed into exactly that as I placed my hand upon her cheek, my emotions attempted to go haywire.

I couldn’t let them though. Not now. I could still barely believe she was real and tangible. I had been disappointed too many times in the past year since Renee left me to let my emotions roam freely for someone -  _ something  _ \- that could just be another apparition. 

“Hasn’t it?” Wraith’s smile was warm and pleasant, her voice smooth like honey. She brought her hands up to mine and held onto it softly, “I’m sorry I made you wait so long. I promise I tried to get here as soon as I heard.”

I stared at her in trance-like disbelief. She was real. She was speaking to me. This was Wraith, but it was still Renee. It was still the woman I loved, even if I wasn’t.I squeezed her hands and closed the space in between us, searching in those icy blue eyes for something I was unsure of. Even though I had heard what she said, I could only process so much right now. Before I could continue any of what was happening, I had to know she was real. I couldn’t let her hurt me again. I couldn’t give in until I knew.

“Is this...real,  _ mon  _ _ chérie _ ? I mean,” I fumbled over the words, not able to recognize my own broken, cracking voice, “are you real? Is it you...Wraith?”

It was difficult to say the name out loud. It felt foreign and unfamiliar now. It hadn’t slipped off my tongue easily since Renee and I started secretly dating during the Apex Games. Back then, we would laugh, smile and giggle when we used each other’s alias’ for the Games, knowing we used our real names when the two of us were alone. It felt like a tiny, childish secret that was too silly to utter aloud - something so small and insignificant that made being in the Games that much more exciting. 

Wraith looked at me with a hint of sadness in her eyes. She let go of my hands for a moment and took off the helmet entirely, placing it on the table behind her before she returned to me. She hesitated for a moment and then laced her fingers through mine, guiding me to sit back down at the table.

“You might need to sit for this one.” was all she said before sitting directly beside me, but facing my direction. My legs felt a bit weak and wobbly as I tried to sit, but I managed to do so in an ungraceful manner. Our knees were barely touching as she held my hand, which was something I wasn’t expecting that made the situation much more surreal.

This Wraith shouldn’t have any affectionate feelings towards me and I knew it. Even if she was trying to comfort me, it wasn’t fair for her to toy with me in this way. She wasn’t from this dimension. She would be leaving me, just like Renee did. How could she be so cruel as to come here and hold my hand as though this skinship wasn’t sacred to me? How could she be so careless?

Still, I wouldn’t let go. It hurt, and I fought back tears trying to restrain the thoughts that were going through my head. Even if she was going to take another piece of what was remaining of me when she left, the feeling of her cool hands against mine was a sensation that I craved for over a year now. The cold touch of Renee when she no longer had a heartbeat could never compare to the soothing cool that she gave off while she was alive and well. I was going to hate myself for giving in so quickly and easily later, but this sensation was real and God, did I need it.

“You’ve grown up a lot. The last time I saw you was down in that lab...” Wraith begins, that sweet voice of hers as quiet and mellow as it always was. She reaches out with her free hand to run the tip of her painted nail along the maze of my scar, “It looks like you still wound up getting hurt after we parted ways, huh?”

I wanted to speak. I wanted to hold a normal conversation with her. I wanted to feel like this was as normal as it should have been. Renee and I had been playing around with her interdimensional phase tech before she left, so seeing another version of her was normal to me by now. We had taken several trips to the Void while we were experimenting to make her gear more effective. Yet somehow, none of that prepared me for being able to see another version of her outside of the Void - especially not this particular one. 

I squeezed her hand, feeling as though I had no other way to communicate with her. Renee understood that sometimes when I was overwhelmed, I couldn’t find the words to say. I wasn’t sure if this Wraith would understand that, but everything inside of me hoped that she did. I didn’t know how long she would be here, and it would crush my soul to let this moment slip between my fingers because I couldn’t find the words to say.

And as if by some miracle, she just  _ knew _ . She looked a bit surprised at first, searching my face for any sign of a response. I wasn’t sure what I looked like to her, but I’m glad it came across. She brushed the loose strands of hair falling over my face back, meeting my gaze with something so sweet, so sincere. She gave me a good once-over before making up her mind for her next move, and I think it was at that point that the dam that held in all the pent up emotions of grief had been broken.

She placed a small kiss on my forehead, letting her lips linger there for a few seconds before she pulled my head over her shoulder. 

“I’m real, Natalie.” she whispered, stroking my hair lightly, “It took me longer than it should have, but I’m here. I think it’s time we talk this through. You’re not holding up well and your Renee would have my head if I left you like this.”

I wanted to laugh and say, “As if she could. She always said you were the stronger one.”. I really wanted to. It was the first thought that came to my mind. The conversation felt so familiar, giving me the sense of a reality that I hadn’t known in an entire year. All I wanted to do was pretend this was normal, and that I was okay.

But it looked like I already pretended that I was fine for too long.

I couldn’t even process that I was crying until the mild hyperventilation started. The sound of my breathing was faint and could have been drowned out if the room wasn’t so quiet. I could hear the pants and the sobs that were choked up, caught in my throat and forcing me to not make any other sounds. My eyes were wide open, staring vacantly at the wall of the dining room when my vision became blurred with an overflow of tears.

_ She didn’t have to come _ , I thought. She didn’t have to come and make me face the reality of my Renee no longer being around. She had no right to do that to me. I didn’t care if it had been one year or ten; she was just awful for coming into my house and making me face a truth I had evaded for so long.

“How dare you…?” I managed to mutter between the harsh breaths. I clenched my teeth, and then my fist when she didn’t respond. My anguish was transforming into anger and resentment, and I felt the cap that kept my sanity in check pop off. I pushed her shoulder once with moderate force, just enough to move her off of me. She still made no response.

My blood was boiling. Was she not going to speak now? Was that all it took? Renee was better than this. Why the hell wasn’t she responding to me?

“ _ Why did you come here?! _ ” I pushed her shoulders again, twice, with more force. My voice was shaking, coarse and strained, but I couldn’t help but continue to scream at her. I needed a response. I needed answers. I  _ needed  _ the closure.

When she simply straightened out her back and solidified her posture, I realized that she wasn’t going to give in. I tightened my jaw. Fine. If that’s how she was going to do this, I had no choice but to play along.

I hit her again, “You had no right to do this to me. Why couldn’t you just stay away?” 

I hit her chest with both of my fists, “Why now? After a year? Are you here to torture me?”

I jolted up out of my seat, the chair behind me falling back with a thud. I looked down at her, consumed by my fit of rage, “Go back to your dimension. I don’t care what Renee requested of you! Both of you left me - you have no right to come back here!”

I grabbed her shoulders, kneeling down on the chair she sat in with one of my knees between her legs that she spread to give me the space to move closer, “How...how could you do this to me, Renee?I thought you loved me, Renee. Why would you leave me alone like Papa did?”

The tears continued to fall. Wraith merely continued to hold my gaze, evenly and gently. The compassion in her eyes was unfair. How could she come here with no attachment to me and still look at me the same way Renee did? How could she make my heart crave the intimacy I had with Renee with nothing more than a look? 

How could she sit here before me and act like Renee -  _ my Renee _ \- wasn’t dead?

I suddenly felt exhausted and collapsed on top of her. I couldn’t hold up my arms anymore and my legs felt like jelly. I let my arms fall around her shoulders, burying my face into the pocket of her shoulder. I couldn’t yell at her anymore. I had gotten my point across. I overshared. I told her how she had hurt me. There was no need to hit and scream. I just wanted to rest now.

Wraith didn’t miss a beat and caught me as I fell on top of her, wrapping one arm around my waist and her other hand resting on the back of my head. She ran her fingers through my hair in a soothing motion, squeezing my waist tightly. She let out a light sigh.

“Ajay was right. You have been holding everything in,” she said softly, adjusting her position a bit to make us both more comfortable, “Natalie, I can’t apologize to you enough - not for me and not for her, either. But I promise, I’m not here to make things harder for you. Don’t hate me. I just need a chance to explain.”

“I could never hate you.” I said weakly. I got more comfortable on her lap, stunned at how much energy that vent took out of me. I could barely even move now, “But Wraith, why did you come here if you can’t stay? I can’t handle you coming and going again…”

She hummed and took a moment before she spoke again, “I came here because I  _ can  _ stay.”

If I had more than five percent of my energy, I would have jumped out of my chair right then and scolded her for giving me false hope. This wasn’t funny. Why would she think it was okay to bring something like that up so casually?

“Do not lie to me, Wraith.” I stated firmly. My voice was feeble but my emotions behind the statement were clear. 

“Aren’t you the one who makes the jokes?” she teased, letting out the smallest hint of a laugh, “You should know I’m no good at those by now, Natalie. And I’m not mean enough to joke about something so serious. Not with you.”

My heart fluttered for an instant. The thoughts of having Renee back, even if she wasn’t my Renee, developed a newfound hope that I wouldn’t be able to easily repress. Being able to hold onto her like this, chat with her about the ideas that got lost in my head and tell her how much I loved her once more were the thoughts that came to my mind immediately. 

However, I knew better than to trust so easily. Never again would I be so careless.

_ I don’t believe you _ , I thought.

“How can I believe you?” I asked.

“It’s a long story,” she begins, pausing to undoubtedly ponder how to shorten said story, “I’m sure she told you all about how we met and why I stayed and had her escape. Well, I got my revenge, but it cost me a lot. I was held in captivity for quite some time after I made Singh pay for what he did to me. I gave your Renee my main device for interdimensional phasing and had the rest of my tech stripped from me. I couldn’t do much but wait for an opportunity, and as soon as I found it, I broke out.

“It didn’t matter, though. I was a wanted criminal - dead or alive. Hiding was difficult, but I managed. Funny enough, I wound up running into you in that dimension and you’re the one who helped me rebuild my tech in order to get here.”

She paused, giving me a moment to process that. At this point, the knot in my stomach started to swell up. My first thought should have been about how our fates were intertwined in all the dimensions, but instead it was selfish. Of course they met in that dimension. They were probably in a relationship, just like in this dimension. I sat back down in my own chair, refusing to look her in the eyes. I had grieved for so long; I deserved to have such petty, selfish thoughts. No wonder she was so easily affectionate with me.

Wraith crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair, eyeing me curiously, “I know what you’re thinking. Unfortunately for me, by the time I met you, you were already married.”

I knew my cheeks were red before she laughed at it and continued, “The bottom line is, I don’t have anywhere else to go, now. In my dimension, I can’t live comfortably anymore. The Natalie in my dimension could only help me so much with my phase tech. I couldn’t let her associate with me and risk getting caught. I had just enough energy to wind up here, and there was a low chance that that would even work.”

I looked up at her in both surprise and concern, “Does that mean you’re stuck here?”

She lifts her arm to examine the phase tech that no doubt got her here, “Stuck might not be the right word for it.” She took off the gadget that looked like a less advanced version of the one that Renee used and placed it on the table. I could recognize the parts that it was made of and knew from tinkering with Renee’s tech that it was definitely unable to hold up the Void as long. In fact, she was correct in saying it was basically a miracle that she wound up here.

“I came here by choice,” she said, a lazy tone passing through her voice, “Surprised it even worked, but grateful. Right before your Renee left this world she managed to reach out to me with all she had left in her. Told me to come to you. I know I can’t do anything to bring her back to you Nat, but if you give me a chance to stay by your side, I think we might both be able to have some sort of closure.”

Closure. Was that what this was? It wasn’t a word I wanted to hear, because I knew after closure was where the real healing began. After breaking down in front of Wraith, I knew now that I never got the closure I needed and hence never even began the process of healing, growing and moving on from Renee’s death. I had been in denial for an entire year, unable to process that Renee would leave me just like Papa did. Life had been too cruel to me. The only way I was able to ensure that I kept living the life that was nothing but harsh to me was to tell myself that she was coming back.

And by the oddest twist of fate, she did come back. No, she wasn’t the same Renee that taught me how to fight in hand-to-hand combat. She wasn’t the same Renee that trusted me with the secrets she harboured about her mental health. She wasn’t the same Renee that showed me who she really was when she woke up in hysterics after a nightmare about her being back in the labs. She wasn’t the same Renee that I had built up that love, that trust, that bond with.

She would never be that Renee. It was impossible. That Renee was no longer here. However, as I watched the way Wraith looked at me with those hopeful eyes with a layer of paranoia hidden deep within them, I realized that she  _ could  _ be my Renee. She could be the one that would stop the nightmares, the one that reassured me that everything would be fine.

The one that brought that much needed closure.

And while my mind was coming up with all the possible faith driven scenarios, the wall of doubt I had built around me to protect myself was only letting up about halfway - and even that was a lot for me. At the end of the day, Wraith and I only knew each other through one odd encounter. We had no history. We would be starting from scratch. What if we weren’t compatible in this dimension?

And so, I had to put it out there.

“But Wraith, we don’t even know each other. You can’t possibly love me like Renee did.”

She took one of the loose napkins from the table and carefully wiped my face that was soaked with tears. Wraith was leaning over me now, running her fingers along my cheeks and giving me an exhausted yet hopeful look.

“No, not yet.” She said, and I could hear that she was tired, but I don’t think she knew that. Renee had become really subtle about that type of thing because Ajay and I always picked up on it when she didn’t want us to. Maybe this Wraith had no one watching her the way we did, “But I loved you from a distance in one dimension. Would you say no to me loving you up close in this one?”

She had closed the space between us and was now kneeling on the chair I sat in the same way I had a few moments ago. She held the sides of my face, tilting my chin upwards to look up at her ever so slightly. I felt my eyes start to water again as she played with the strings of my heart. To be able to have those loving eyes regard me so passionately again was a blessing I knew would never come my way.

It was unbelievable and surreal, but…

“That’s not fair.” I whispered. She was so close - I didn’t need to speak loudly. I let my hand brush over hers, still placed on my face. The coolness of her skin was  _ real _ . She was real, “You know all I want is to be able to love you again. How could I deny such an offer from you,  _ mon amour _ ?”

“Well, that’s the thing.” She rested her forehead on mine, both of our noses touching in the slightest from the proximity. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath to ground herself. Perhaps, I wasn’t the only one who wanted this. Wraith fluttered her eyes open, making sure I didn’t look away from her this time, “You don’t have to.”

We both held each other’s gazes for hardly even a moment before our lips shyly met. Even the smallest kiss pushed all of the remaining tension out of my body. My shoulders relaxed and my mind cleared itself out. The coolness of her lips was the same. I pulled on her waist, deepening the kiss. Wraith responded accordingly, biting at my lower lip and pushing her tongue in my mouth. 

I pushed her hips down, sitting her on my lap as the kisses became more intense. I felt like I was losing my mind. Just how did I go from missing my Renee for an entire year, waiting desperately and timidly for her return to having Wraith sitting on my lap, making me forget that my heart had been shattered in the first place?

We were getting into it a lot more quickly than we should have when Wraith pulled back, her eyes a bit hazy and breathing heavily. I looked up at her disoriented with a foggy head. I was a little bit embarrassed. It felt a bit weird to be making out with Wraith even though she technically was Renee, but it also gave me a sense that she had never left, and that feeling was too good to let go of. 

“Let’s start from here.” Wraith said gently, pushing a loose strand of hair out of my face and smiling down at me, just like Renee used to, “Nothing can stop us from starting over but us.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this uwu. A part II about like their first date or something is very possible but I'm not really sure yet. Let me know in the comments if you'd like to see that or maybe some ideas of first dates you'd wanna see!
> 
> As usual, I'm plugging myself at the end lol. Follow my gay ass on twitter.com/ladyravenfalco where I post a bunch of snippets of writing before they get released on here and other Apex content!
> 
> Also remember to go check out/follow twitter.com/crabornara too who gave me this entire idea to run with!!


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